Planet Earth Round-Up

In all the fuss about the US election, it's easy to forget that there's a whole big world out there, with its own issues, and it doesn't stop having them because "change has come to America." Here's an round-up of what's going on all around this wonderful planet of ours:

-The crisis in Zimbabwe continues to drag on. This week a planned mission to highlight the humanitarian problems in that country from Jimmy Carter, Kofi Annan, and Graca Machel (wife of Nelson Mandela) was cancelled because the Mugabe government didn't want them showing up. The stated reason? They would boost Morgan Tsvangirai's opposition party. When saving your starving citizens is considered a partisan act for the other side, you know you're in trouble.

-Protests and violence continue in Bangkok as the citizens demand the ouster of the ruling People Power Party (PPP), which, although democratically elected, the protesters claim is a front for corrupt former prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra. One Prime Minister was removed for appearing as a paid guest on a cooking show (apparently a big no-no under Thai law), but the PPP replaced him with Shinawatra's brother-in-law. Now the protesters are being attacked by a series of grenades, which have injured many. Sone appear to have been launched from the Bangkok Police Headquarters, which protesters say proves they come from the government. The situation appears to be escalating at this time.

-In somewhat lighter news, the top Islamic body in Malaysia, the National Fatwa Council, ruled that Muslims should not practice yoga because it contains elements of other religions and could "corrupt" Muslims. This comes after another recent ban on "tomboys." You know, considering Malaysia isn't quite a first-world nation by most standards, you'd think they would have other things to worry about. On the other hand, at least women can drive in Malaysia, unlike, say, Saudi Arabia.

-It appears that, for now, both sides in the civil war (another one?) in the Democratic Republic of the Congo have agreed that Virunga National Park, the oldest national park in Africa and a UNESCO World Heritage Site, should be neutral ground. Park rangers returned this week after previously fleeing the fighting. Virunga is home to a closely-studied group of 200 Mountain Gorillas. It is estimated that there are about 700 Mountain Gorillas left in the world.

-al-Qaeda may be the cool new terrorists, but other terrorist groups are still around after many decades. ETA, the Basque separatist group, is back in the news after the arrest of Mikel Garikoltz Aspiazu (Basque is the one European language not related to any other known language). Aspiazu is suspected to be the current head of ETA, and is charged with masterminding a series of attacks that have killed over a hundred people, mostly close to the Basque homeland in Northwestern Spain. Concerns for the security of the court proceedings were so great that the identity of the judge is being kept secret.

-Some Persian Gulf states might ask "Global financial crisis? What global financial crisis?" The Palm Jumeirah, a man-made palm-shaped island off Dubai, opened this week to a huge star-studded party, as well as a $20 million fireworks show. The island features resort hotels, luxury homes, expensive shopping, and entertainment. The island apparently doubles Dubai's total shoreline. Among those seen at the opening party? Robert de Niro, Janet Jackson, the Duchess of York, Charlize Theron, Kylie Minogue, Lindsay Lohan, and, the key to any gathering, one of the Olsen twins.

Shady's Back

Due to the rigors of my job, we’ve been a little behind here on the Walrus File, but I don’t want that to continue. So… some thoughts.

-Early Obama cabinet appointments/rumors have been extremely interesting. Eric Holder would be the first African-American Attorney General. Hillary Clinton for Secretary of State? Or maybe John Kerry? Will Gates stay on at Defense (which I think would be a bad idea, but I was never a big fan of the “bipartisanship” craze.)? Tom Daschle, the former Senate Minority Leader from South Dakota, appears to be in line for Secretary of Health and Human Services. And today comes word that the top choice for Secretary of Homeland Security is the current Governor of Arizona, Janet Napolitano. Many have criticized this group as too full of “Clintonistas” and not symbolic enough of the whole “Change” meme. There’s still plenty of time left for that, but I tend to agree at least from a trend-watching point of view.

-Pirates are the new terrorists, which is pretty funny from a certain point of view. First an arms shipment from the Ukraine, and now a Saudi oil tanker with a cargo worth at least a hundred million dollars, have been making front page headlines after pirate hijackings off the lawless coast of Somalia. Pirates are on the verge of becoming the New Missing White Women in our news media. And really, can you blame CNN for spending so much time on the pirate story when everything else is just sort of dank. The Columbus Dispatch’s front page headline today was about “A Cornucopia of Gloom.” I think the copy editors were getting bored. Meanwhile, al-Qaeda is releasing bizarre videos where they talk about how Obama and Colin Powell are “house negroes”. I guess it’s still the 1920s in the mountains of Pakistan. Also, we learn al-Qaeda are big fans of Malcolm X. Who knew?

-Forget gay marriage, bailouts appear to be the real slippery slope. Give one to AIG, now everybody and his brother wants one. Some may need them… others I’m not so sure about. How to choose?

-On the plus side, Thanksgiving is coming up. Our local Giant Eagle is well stocked with giant forty dollar turkeys. Is anyone out there headed home for the holiday? And if so, where are you going, and how are you getting there?

-It’s Ohio State/Michigan week! The greatest rivalry on the gorram planet, if we do say so ourselves. The Buckeyes are the massive favorites, but they always say that you can throw out the records when these teams play. I had the opportunity this week to meet Art Schlichter, the last OSU QB to start the big game as a freshman. He’s an interesting guy. This Saturday Terrelle Pryor will be the next. The game will be here in Columbus, and will result in widespread insanity no matter the outcome.

-COTA (the Central Ohio Transit Authority, aka the local bus system I ride everywhere) is moving its offices downtown. According to the “Dispatch”, there will be no easy available parking for employees, which is on purpose. The director says that he now wants all employees, including himself, to ride the bus to work. I’m sure that’s going over well.

I Am Evolving Even As I Write This

The thing about evolution is that it's not obvious, no matter what the Richard Dawkinses of the world may think. Only a few animals have a complete fossil record of growth and change. More often, it seems as if species have flourished out of relative obscurity and then died out. Evolution as a process must take place relatively quickly, which doesn't make sense if we follow the original Darwinian theory. If evolution were a random process, based merely on "survival of the fittest," it would be extremely slow. The reason, I think, that Darwin retains so many staunch defenders is a) that he was mostly right, and b) that the alternative of the moment is, for all intents and purposes, biblical literalism, which won't wash with anyone with a vaguely scientific mind.

So what's the solution? For a long time, scientists have been proposing something called "punctuated equilibrium", which involves many changes taking place rapidly due to a sudden change in enviroment. However, this strikes me as mostly a case of verbal gymnastics, as it doesn't explain how species would be able to adapt quickly rather than just, you know, die. But yesterday news out of Princeton shed new light on the matter for me, and I'm sure many others as well.

Researchers were studying the electron transport chain in cells (this is the system that regulates energy use), and discovered that the chains were able to correct any artificial mutations imposed on them. They looked at how the chains did this, and found that they were making minute corrections all the time. Basically, organisms naturally make changes at the cellular level in order to better fit their environment, which makes them, hey, one of the fittest who gets to survive.

If this sounds like "intelligent design," that's because it is. But it's intelligent design by our own DNA, rather than some invisible person in the sky. What this really does is provide an explanation for how evolution works, rather than an alternate theory. Some more fascinating details can be found here.

Bits: Monk Fight Edition

-The British Telegraph newspaper has a fun article that lists 50 things you didn't know about Barack Obama. I actually knew a couple of these. Interestingly, none of the 50 involves him being a terrorist, but he did have a pet monkey at one point and has read every Harry Potter novel, so same difference I suppose.

-By popular demand, more cholera news. There is another, perhaps more serious outbreak taking place right now at a refugee camp in the Congo. As you may now, the Nation Formerly Known as Zaire is in the midst of yet another civil war, and thousands of people are being driven into small areas in these makeshift camps. There's a cease-fire in place right now, but it is apparently unraveling. There are fears that the disease will spread if the cease-fire fails and the refugees are forced to scatter. Complicating matters is a lack of the medication that cure the disease, as well as an organized method of distribution.

-The police had to be called to the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, supposedly built on the site where Jesus was born, after monks from two different sects got into a violent brawl. The church has long been run in an uneasy joint arrangement between the Greek Orthodox, Armenian Orthodox, and Coptic churches. In this case the Greeks tried to block a procession by the Armenians, "so that the Armenians could not establish a claim which they do not have." Um... anyway, violence ensued. This is the same place where there has been a ladder outside the entrance since the 19th century because the three sects can't agree on who has the authority to take it down.

-Cracked.com's latest history lesson/list/funny caption collection involves the six stupidest points people died trying to prove.

-The latest thing we're boycotting: Utah, for the Mormon Church's aggressive support of California's gay marriage ban, unique because it took away from people a right that had already been granted. As things we're boycotting go, this one makes more sense than most.

-Today's Free TV on the Internet: The Daily Show/Colbert Report election special. Not as great as it could have been, but still has Stephen Colbert delivering state electoral votes with a parrot perched on his shoulder.

Movie Reviews for People Who Go to the Dollar Movies After Work: Tropic Thunder

This is the first movie I've reviewed in this series that was actually successful, but that doesn't mean you should pay top dollar for it! Tropic Thunder is a middling Hollywood comedy that gets quite a bit of its appeal from its A-list talent. It's directed by the actor Ben Stiller, and he got a bunch of his friends, including Robert Downey Jr., Jack Black, Matthew McConaughey, Nick Nolte, Steve Coogan, and yeah, Tom Cruise, who has a ball as the new modern stereotype of a movie mogul, to appear in it, not to mention a myriad of cameos and in-jokes.

The basic premise is that a bunch of actors making a Vietnam movie end up stranded in the jungle. They think the cameras are still rolling (even after their director (Coogan) steps on a land mine and blows up in front of them), and when they stumble across a bunch of heroin traffickers their movie turns into real life. Stiller's character is an over-the-hill action star, making a bid for mainstream credibility. Downey Jr. is an Australian actor, a five-time Oscar winner who doesn't break character when the cameras stop rolling. For this movie he's had surgery to make himself black... Yes, in the era of the Obama presidency, blackface is apparently finally acceptable comedic fodder. Black is a comedian best known for fart-joke movies who spends most of the movie in heroin withdrawal, which we're also now apparently able to play for laughs.

Rather than a lot of huge laughs or really great lines, this movie generally just does everything with a smile on its face. It has several swear words per sentence, but the movie it reminded me of the most might be, weirdly, another Stiller film, Zoolander. But there's nothing here on the level of "How are they supposed to learn to read if they can't even fit inside the building?" There's a lot of little, tonal jokes given to us rapid fire. The audience wasn't nearly as into it as some other comedies I've seen recently, even Get Smart. That said, this probably required a higher level of skill from everyone involved than a silly spy comedy, as a lot of it depends on timing and how swear words are delivered. This may have had a higher percentage of unintelligible dialogue than any other mainstream comedy I've been to, and I'm not sure if that's a good sign or not. Probably not.

There are a lot of good things here, but I'm not sure they ever come together into anything real. Downey Jr. got a lot of the press, and deservedly so. He just goes on these extended, nonsensical riffs, and they're probably the best thing in the movie ("I know who I am! I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude!"). Nolte, playing the soldier upon whose story the movie is based, has fun pulling out every military cliche in the book, but becomes less interesting once we learn the real truth about him. Black's character just seems superfluous. It's like he was added to create chaos, but he doesn't create enough chaos to justify his existence.

This review feels disjointed, but this is a disjointed movie. I think it probably got better reviews than it deserved. It has some funny moments, but it has too many swings and misses. If you were smart enough to skip the big movie theater, make this a dollar movie.

Books: Islands in the Sea of Madness

So, as the election screamed down the rails like Ozzy Osbourne's Crazy Train, not to mention the economy doing an imitation of the Hindenburg, we were all left with a little excess stress. And if you're like me, one way to deal with all of that is to escape into the world of books. Our loyal readers will know I like Sci-Fi, and the last three books I finished were all on the short list for the Hugos and Nebulas this past year. (The Sci-Fi equivalents of the Oscars/Pulitzers/whatever). Despite theoretically sharing a common genre, it'd be hard to find three books that are more different. I thoroughly enjoyed all of them, and wanted to bring you my recommendations...

The Yiddish Policeman's Union by Michael Chabon

This book is the most recent winner of Sci-Fi's highest annual honor, the Hugo Award for Best Novel. Chabon is one of American literature's brightest young turks, and in this book he's created something so unique that one wonders where he possibly could have gotten his ideas from. The most basic description for it is a noir set in an alternate history, though that doesn't quite do it justice. The story is set in the year 2008, in a district of Alaska specially set aside for Jews. The main language is yiddish, and the capital is the burgeoning metropolis of Sitka, with a population in the millions. Apparently there was an actual historical movement to do just this following the end of World War II, as opposed to, say, the creation of Israel, but it was scuttled by a congressman from Alaska. The novel diverges from our history simply by having said congressman get hit by a car.

Our protagonist is a down-on-his-luck detective, determined to investigate the murder of a heroin addict believed by some orthodox jews to have been a potential messiah despite the impending "reversion" of the District of Sitka to the United States (think of the situation with Hong Kong and China). His world is a cold, rainy place, populated by beautifully sketched characters and conspiracies. The real treat in the novel is Chabon's facility with language, which can make a strange kind of poetry out of descriptions of an old man's coat or a warm doughnut. Great stuff.

Calculating God by Robert J. Sawyer

Unless you count Margaret Atwood, whose occasional forays into the genre have resulted in such classics as The Handmaid's Tale, Robert J. Sawyer is probably Canada's most successful Sci-Fi author. He writes hard science fiction, but general comes at things from an anthropological angle rather than one of physics, which makes him harder to categorize. His most famous work is probably his series that began with Hominids, in which scientists make contact with an alternate universe where Neanderthals became the dominant species of humanity.

Calculating God is obviously the work of the same author, though the storyline and the ideas set out are very different. The book begins, comical in its matter-of-factness, with the landing of an alien spaceship outside the Royal Ontario Museum in Toronto. An spider-like alien gets out, enters the museum, and asks if it could see a paleontologist. That paleontologist is the book's main character, and the book consists mostly of his internal debates and conversations with the alien, who is far more interested in scientific research than in meeting our leaders.

The twist is that the aliens, based on their observations of the universe, have come to the conclusion that science has proven the existence of God. Their observations of Earth only confirm this. The scientist is an atheist, and we discover he is dying of cancer. So the debates between the two, mostly regarding the nature of life and universe, take on an unusual, fascinating tone. The alien makes the scientific case for the existence of God, quoting statistics about the variance of constants, while the scientist makes the emotional, faith-based case against the existence of God. If there is a God who created the laws of physics, why would he create cancer? What possible being could morally justify so much suffering?

Despite the occasional bit of jargon, the book is one of the quickest, easiest reads I've come across in a while. It's hard to put my finger on why. It would have been easy for Sawyer to fall into the usual trap of Hard SF, to be distracted by the science at the expense of our own enjoyment of the story, but he avoids this with strong characterization, and a vivid depiction of the warm friendship that builds between the scientist and the alien. This is that rare specimen, alien who, without just being a human with pointy ears, feels like a real "person". The book isn't perfect, and there's a totally unnecessary subplot involving terrorists targeting fossils, but it was one of my favorite random finds in a long time.

Halting State by Charles Stross

Charles Stross is a British writer who has a way of making made-up technojargon sound like good, smooth writing. How he does this I have no idea, but I think it has something to do with strong characterization and not being afraid to make bold stylistic choices. Halting State is a lot of things, but one thing it's not is simple to read. It jumps among a number of characters, all the while being written in the second person, mixing a strong scottish brogue with internet-speak both real and imagined. How do you write in a scottish brogue? Again, I'm not really sure, but Stross definitely manages it. ("You cannae understand why the prize twat isna answering his IM") This is a story set circa 2020, and centering around the world of virtual reality gaming. Probably the main through-line is provided by a detective who is assigned to investigate a seemingly impossible bank robbery with real-world implications carried out in a sort of next-gen "World of Warcraft" by a band of orcs "with a dragon along for fire support." Science Fiction was slow discovering the internet, but between this book and others like last year's tremendous Hugo winner, Rainbow's End by Vernor Vinge, the the web is building up its own field of SF lit. It's about time.

We're Back, Baby

So... Barack Obama will be the 44th President of the United States of America. He won somewhere north of 370 electoral votes, including pretty much every swing state with the exception of Missouri. He won in places like Indiana, North Carolina, Virginia, and Colorado. It was an historic moment, one of the greatest I have been a part of in my adult life. People stopped in the street, dancing, singing, and hugging total strangers. I have never seen anything like it. I think it surprised even Obama's biggest supporters, the level of emotional outpouring. It wasn't just history, it was us as a nation standing up and saying, no, this is who we are, we're not going to spiral into oblivion. I have never been prouder to be an American.

Life goes on. Here's a story I haven't seen elsewhere: There has been a major cholera outbreak on the campus of China's Hainan University, and it's resulted in the gradual breakdown of civilization. Though cholera can be treated with a three-day course of treatment and is no longer considered fatal in developing countries, the Chinese government has quarantined the campus. Food is running out, and the military is trying and failing to control the crowds. It's like a dry run for when the big epidemic hits. If the disease doesn't get you, the quarantine will. The media hasn't picked up this story, but one female student on campus has been writing a harrowing blog that is getting some attention on the net. Read about this here.