MemeWatch: Oprah vs. the multitudinous male genitalia

You know something’s become an internet sensation when techno remixes of it start appearing on YouTube. This past week, Oprah Winfrey, talk show host/media mogul/philanthropist/actress/messiah, became the subject of the latest big internet meme, perhaps most popularly titled “Oprah vs. the 9000 Penises.” On an episode of her incredibly popular talk show, Winfrey had come once again to the subject of sexual predators. She announced that she had become aware of a sort of secret society of said predators, and that one of them had sent her a letter stating “We have 9000 penises, and all of them are raping your children.” These words coming out of the mouth of “the world’s most influential woman” were rated hilarious enough to skyrocket up to the top of Digg, and recordings of the segment became, for a few minutes anyway, among the most sought after videos on YouTube. So… where did this one come from?

Winfrey has dedicated a good portion of her imposing influence to the fight against sexual predators. This is completely understandable. She has stated that she was sexually molested herself as a child. When she was 14, she became pregnant, though the baby died shortly after its birth. Unlike almost all victims of such abuse, she is now in a position where she can hope to make a positive difference. She has a section of her website dedicated to tracking down fugitive sex offenders, and at least two arrests have been directly credited to her site. Winfrey’s ability to overcome her history of abuse can be credited as part of her border-crossing appeal… the show is apparently now the number one program in, of all places, Saudi Arabia.

This personal battle has even tinged her takes on other subjects. Winfrey has long been a prominent supporter of gay rights. In the 1990s, she produced an episode of her show on the subject of gay marriage. When an audience member stood up to say that she was tired of homosexuals publicly flaunting their sex lives, Oprah (as she is nearly always simply known) replied “You know what I’m tired of? Heterosexual males raping and sodomizing young girls. That’s what I’m tired of!”

On the other hand, the threat of sexual predation on American children is almost certainly blown way out of proportion, and Winfrey is at least partially responsible for this. The Wikipedia page for “Mass Hysteria” even cites the modern attitude towards such criminals as a possible example. It is probably in reality more comparable to the medieval trend of witch hunts. This is the only crime (except for suspicion of terrorism, but that’s another post) where all those convicted must register their whereabouts with the authorities for the rest of their lives. Legislators have of course continued to pass bills on this subject, which are applied not just to new offenders but to those already registered. Several court cases are currently underway to determine whether these laws count as ex post facto (and are thus illegal). (My take is that they obviously are. The real question in these cases is whether we care.)

Many states enact even more stringent laws. In the Columbus area, where I live, some of the more affluent communities have passed regulations keeping sex offenders from entering into zones within one mile of schools, or playgrounds, or swimming pools… these suburbs, not being that big area-wise, have basically barred those who committed this crime in the past from legally entering their city limits. It’s perhaps worth pointing out that similar laws are not even in effect for convicted murderers.

My take on Winfrey is that she’s talented, shrewd, and well-meaning, but not as discerning (or, strangely, savvy enough in the sort of media studies I spent a lot of time on in college) as is necessary for someone in her position. A prime past example of this is her mid-nineties spat with the Texas beef industry when she declared that she was no longer eating hamburgers due to fears of mad cow disease. She then proceeded to take her show down to Texas and do an expose on the subject. A single cow testing positive for the disease was eventually found in the state… about a decade later. She was sued for defamation by the industry, who claimed she cost them millions of dollars. More recently she has taken to evangelizing on her show for a self-help program called “The Secret,” which takes the “power of positive thinking” and makes the next bizarre metaphysical step.

In this case, the concept of some sort of secret organization of sexual predators seems ridiculous on its face, and not just because we’re presented with this respected woman saying “9000 penises.” These are, speaking in general terms, solitary, depraved creatures, acting on urges that even they often seem to know are morally wrong. How would something like this even get started? What would be the purpose of it? It just fails to make sense to me, and in my opinion it should have made sense to Oprah before she blurted it bluntly out in front of millions of viewers.

So, was that way too much analysis for an internet meme about penises? Whaddaya think?