A Decade in Review: 2004

January

NEWS

• Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts wins the Iowa Democratic Caucuses. Gov. Howard Dean of Vermont is so encouraged by his second-place performance that he gives a memorable speech to supports, capped by a perhaps over-enthusiastic scream that later haunts his campaign.
• David Kay, Chief Weapons Inspector in Iraq for the CIA, resigns. It starts to become increasingly clear that the “Weapons of Mass Destruction” the Bush administration was so concerned about may not ever be found.
• NASA’s Spirit and Opportunity landers touch down on Mars.
• President Bush announces he wants us to go back to the Moon. It later becomes clear that, sadly, nobody really wants to pay for this.

ARTS

• Michael Jackson pleads not guilty to child molestation charges.
• Captain Kangaroo dies.
• The dance film You Got Served creates a new catch phrase.
• The L Word premieres on Showtime.

SPORTS

• The NCAA season ends in controversy when USC is left out of the national championship despite being ranked #1 in the Associated press poll. Lousiana State defeats Oklahoma in the theoretical National Championship game.

February

NEWS

• Facebook is founded by a group of roommates at Harvard University.
• The CIA admits that there was no imminent threat from Iraqi “Weapons of Mass Destruction” priot to the American invasion.
• Howard Dean’s campaign is suddenly torpedoed so thoroughly that he drops out of the Presidential race.
• The French National Assembly votes to ban “religious items” from schools. Many believe the law is aimed at head scarves worn by Muslim girls.
• The Mayor of San Francisco starts issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, an act considered by the state of California to be civil disobedience.
• Scientists in South Korea announce that they have cloned human embryos.
• Religious conservatives win a majority in Iranian parliamentary elections.
• A Filipino terrorist group blows up a crowded ferry, killing 116.
• A rebellion in Haiti forces out Jean-Bertrand Aristide as President. Locals are suspicious of U.S. involvement, though no one’s really sorry to see him go.

ARTS

• The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King breaks through the barrier for Sci-Fi/Fantasy and cleans up at the Oscars, winning a record-tying 11 Oscars, including Best Picture and Best Director for Peter Jackson. Acting Oscars go to Sean Penn, Charlize Theron, Tim Robbins, and Renee Zellweger
• Janet Jackson’s boob falls out or something during the Super Bowl halftime show. I am watching but do not even realize it, but this causes widespread outcry. The FCC gives out record fines and then revises its rules to make content standards more stringent.
• Outkast and Beyonce Knowles are the big winners at the Grammys.
• Sex and the City ends, shockingly, with the girl ending up with the guy.
• The Passion of the Christ, Mel Gibson’s literalist Easter movie in Aramaic, opens huge, helped by widespread attendance among church groups.
• Kanye West starts to enter the stage with his critically-acclaimed album The College Dropout.
• Construction begins on Anish Kapoor’s Cloud Gate sculpture in Chicago’s Millennium Park.

SPORTS

• Tom Brady and the New England Patriots defeat a no-name Carolina Panthers team in one of the more underrated Super Bowls of all time (it sets the record for most points scored in the fourth quarter). Adam Vinatieri becomes the first kicker to win two separate Super Bowls with last second field goals.

March

NEWS

• Sen. John Kerry wins 9 of the 10 “Super Tuesday” primaries and effectively clinches the Democratic Party nomination for President.
• Four rush hour trains in Madrid are simultaneously bombed, possibly by al-Qaeda (though this was never proven). 191 people are killed and 1,800 are wounded.
• Three days after the attack, the current Spanish Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar loses an election. It is much debated what the terrorist attacks had to do with this. The next day, the new Spanish government announces that they will be withdrawing that nation’s troops from Iraq.
• Vladimir Putin is easily (probably too easily) re-elected as President of Russia.
• NASA’s Opportunity lander confirms that the area it landed in was once drenched in water. Unfortunately not so much anymore.
• Tony Blair becomes the first major western leader to visit Libya is several decades. The visit is in exchange for Libya publicly dismantling its nuclear program.
• Ireland bans smoking in bars.

ARTS

• Martha Stewart is found guilty of Conspiracy and Obstruction of Justice in relation to an insider-trading scam, and is sent to a brief but much-publicized prison term in West Virginia.
• Usher’s Confessions (remember “In Da Club”?) is the first R&B album to sell over a million copies in a week.
• Michel Gondry’s Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is released in theaters. Many consider it one of the decade’s best films (including me), but box office results are only middling.
• Deadwood premieres on HBO

April

NEWS

• The Abu Ghraib scandal is broken by 60 Minutes. Pictures of U.S. military guards humiliating and abusing Iraqi prisoners have severe repercussions for American international relations. Americans in Europe start lying and saying they’re Canadian.
• The various factions in Darfur all sign a peace treaty. This does not last very long.
• Two trains carrying explosives run into each other in Ryongchon, South Korea, killing nearly two hundred and destroying a wide area.
• The final Oldsmobile is produced.
• The World War II Memorial finally opens in Washington D.C.
• 30 St. Mary’s Axe, better known locally as “the Gherkin” is completed in London and immediately becomes one of the world’s more recognizable skyscrapers.

ARTS

• Major films in theaters include Hellboy, Kill Bill Vol. 2, 13 Going on 30, and Mean Girls.
• Franz Ferdinand’s self-titled debut, including the single “Take Me Out” is a big hit. Rock trends start to shift in favor of more “New Wave” influenced bands.

SPORTS

• The University of Connecticut wins both the Men’s and Women’s NCAA basketball titles.
• Golfer Phil Mickelson, known for years as “the best player to never win a major”, finally wins one at the Masters.
• Former Arizona Cardinal Pat Tillman is killed in Afghanistan by friendly fire.
  

May

NEWS

• Ten nations join the European Union. These include Poland, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, the Czech Republic, Slovakia, Slovenia, Hungary, Malta, and Cyprus.
• The insurgency strengthens in Iraq. Several soldiers are killed in roadside ambushes and at least one civilian contractor is beheaded in an internet video.
• The President of Chechnya is killed by a landmine during a World War II Memorial parade in Grozny.
• The Crown Prince of Denmark marries an Australian girl, which we would all do if they would let us.
• Dr. Manmohan Singh becomes the first Sikh to be Prime Minister of India.
• North Korea decides to ban cell phones.
• Terry Nichols is convicted of murder charges related to the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing.

ARTS

• Friends and Frasier each air their final episodes. Many eulogize the death of the traditional sitcom. NBC never really recovers in the ratings.
• Also airing its final episode is Joss Whedon’s Buffy spin-off, Angel.
• The Cannes Film Festival controversially awards its Palme d’Or to Michael Moore’s political documentary Fahrenheit 9/11. The film goes on to destroy all box office records for documentaries, but fails in its goal of getting the President to lose the election.
• Van Helsing, The Day After Tomorrow, and Troy are released. It immediately becomes clear this won’t be that great of a blockbuster season.
• Also released is Shrek 2, which goes on to be the highest grossing animated film of all time.

SPORTS

• London soccer club Arsenal pulls off the feat of going unbeaten through an entire 38 game English Premiere League season.
• South Africa is awarded the 2010 soccer World Cup.
• A horse named Smarty Jones wins both the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness, setting Triple Crown hopes a-twitter once again.
• Randy Johnson becomes the oldest pitcher ever to throw a Perfect Game, while pitching for the Arizona Diamondbacks at the age of 40.

June

NEWS

• The “9/11 Commission” releases its report. It partially blames failures within the CIA and FBI for not preventing the attacks.
• Former President Ronald Reagan dies in California at the age of 93.
• George Tenet, Director of the CIA, resigns, supposedly for “personal reasons”, though most assume it’s related to Iraq-related intelligence failures.
• U.S.-led Coalition forces transfer official authority in Iraq to an Iraqi interim government.
  SpaceShipOne becomes the first privately-funded craft to achieve space flight.
• Paul Martin is re-elected as Prime Minister of Canada, though the Liberals are forced to govern as a minority.
• Preliminary hearings begin in the trial of Saddam Hussein.
• Jack Ryan, the expected Republican candidate for the Senate in Illinois, drops out of the race after his wife, actress Jeri Ryan, reveals he took her to sex clubs in Paris. The expected Democratic candidate is State Senator Barack Obama.

ARTS

• Spider-Man 2 takes over the consensus “Best Superhero Movie Ever Made” title and is another mega-hit at the box office. Alfred Molina plays Dr. Octopus.
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is released in theaters, for some reason helmed by Mexican art house Director Alfonso Cuaron. It becomes the favorite movie of the series for many a non-fan.
• Creed officially breaks up, and the Killers release one of the decade’s seminal albums, Hot Fuss. Thematically these seem related.
• Avenue Q upsets Wicked to win the Tony Award for Best Musical.
• Ray Charles dies.

SPORTS

• In a huge upset, the Detroit Pistons easily defeat the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA finals.
• The Tampa Bay Lightning, of all teams, win the Stanley Cup. The world questions why there are even hockey teams in Florida.
• Smarty Jones is upset by Birdstone in the Belmont Stakes.

July

NEWS

• The Democratic National Convention is held in Boston. Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts is nominated for President and Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina is nominated for Vice President. Barack Obama bursts on to the national scene by delivering a memorable keynote address.
• Construction begins on the Freedom Tower on the former World Trade Center site. It still continues.

ARTS

• Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, starring Will Ferrell, brings a new kind of weirdly improvised comedy to theaters. It is my pick for funniest movie of the decade.
• Entourage debuts on HBO, and Stargate: Atlantis is a success for Sci-Fi Channel.

SPORTS

• Lance Armstrong wins an unprecedented sixth Tour de France
• Greece finishes a miracle run in the European soccer championships with a 1-0 victory over hosts Portugal in the Final.

August

NEWS

• The U.N. releases a report blaming the government of Sudan for crimes against humanity in Darfur.
• The Swift Boat Veterans for Truth produce TV ads claiming that Sen. John Kerry did not really earn his Purple Heart awards in Vietnam, setting the stage for the political climate we’ve been living in ever since.
• Hurricane Charley hits Florida and the Caribbean, killing over thirty people. It is the worst hurricane to hit the U.S. since Hurricane Andrew in 1992.
• Gov. Jim McGreevey of New Jersey admits that he is “a Gay American” and resigns from office.
• The Statue of Liberty re-opens for the first time since the September 11 attacks after security improvements are completed.
• Protestors of all shapes and sizes descend on New York City in anticipation of the Republican National Convention.
• Russia is hit by a series of deadly terror attacks, which the government blames on Chechen rebels.

ARTS

• Armed robbers steal Edvard Munch’s The Scream from the Munch Museum in Oslo.
• Rick James and Julia Child die.
• Lois McMaster Bujold wins her record-tying fourth Hugo for Paladin of Souls.
• Dave Matthews Band is sued by the state of Illinois after “accidentally” dumping 800 pounds of poop off a bridge and into the Chicago River.

SPORTS

• The Summer Olympics are held in Athens, Greece. Women’s Wrestling is held for the first time. Argentina upsets the U.S.A. in Men’s Basketball and goes on to break a fifty year gold medal drought by winning both the basketball and soccer finals on the same day. American swimmer Michael Phelps wins eight medals. The games are dogged by doping allegations, particularly involving many of the home country’s big stars. The U.S.A. tops the medal table once again.
• John Elway and Barry Sanders are among those inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

September

NEWS

• The Republican National Convention in New York City officially re-nominates George W. Bush for President and Dick Cheney for Vice President.
• Chechen terrorists take over a 1,000 people hostage, most of them children, at a school in Beslan, Russia. After two days, Russian government forces storm the complex. At least 335 people die.
• Hurricanes Frances and Ivan make land-fall in Florida and the Gulf Coast, respectively. Ivan becomes the third costliest hurricane in U.S. history to date, and over a hundred die in total.
• People wearing “flip-flop” costumes show up at presidential debates. Sen. Kerry is accused of waffling on issues, partially due to quotes like “I voted for it before I voted against it”, referring to the Iraq War.
• Documents reported on by CBS News regarding President Bush’s time in the Air National Guard turn out to be forgeries. This is the beginning of the end for Dan Rather.
• The Scottish Parliament meets in its new building in Edinburgh for the first time.
• The President and Republicans in Congress allow the U.S. Assault Weapons Ban to expire.
• The American death toll in Iraq reaches 1,000. Keith Olbermann starts ending each show with a count of the days since President Bush announced “Mission Accomplished”.

ART

• The first episode of Lost airs on ABC. It becomes one of the most talked-about and popular series of the decade. It is still the most expensive “pilot” episode ever made.
• Britney Spears marries Kevin Federline.
• Green Day’s decidedly anti-Bush album American Idiot is a smash hit. Politics and rock go together once again, as do self-indulgent twelve minute epics with titles like “Jesus of Suburbia”.
• Shaun of the Dead is released in theaters and earns a spot in the public consciousness through judicious use of zombies and Queen songs.
• Stephen King finally releases the seventh and final book of The Dark Tower series, apparently being inspired to finish it by a death row prisoner who wanted to read it before his execution.
• Susannah Clarke’s Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell published. It becomes one of the more popular genre books of the decade.
• Philip Roth’s alternate history The Plot Against America is published.
• Jon Stewart and company seem to hit the big time when their America: The Book becomes a bestseller and one of the year’s big Christmas gifts.
• Brian Wilson releases SMiLE, only 37 years behind schedule.
• Veronica Mars debuts on UPN.
• Joey Ramone dies.

SPORTS

• Major League Baseball announces that the Montreal Expos will move to Washington D. C. beginning in the 2005 season. They eventually change their name to the Washington Nationals.
• Rape charges against NBA star Kobe Bryant are officially dropped.

October

NEWS

• The Presidential campaign is at is height. It once again appears to be neck-and-neck, and some wonder if all elections will be like this from now on. The Vice Presidential candidates debate in Cleveland.
• Hamid Karzai wins the first direct democratic elections for President in the history of Afghanistan.
• John Howard is re-elected as Prime Minister of Australia.
• Japan is hit simultaneously by a major typhoon and a major earthquake, which cause widespread damage.
• Brazil successfully launches its first rocket into space.
• European heads of state sign the Rome Treaty, establishing the first European Constitution.

ARTS

• The first Saw movie is released on Halloween and becomes a huge hit and an enduring horror franchise.
• Sideways starring Paul Giamatti is the talk of the art-house world and revives Thomas Haden Church’s career.
• The creators of South Park release one of the decade’s weirdest movies, a politically-tinged comedy puppet epic called Team America: World Police.
• Jon Stewart appears on Crossfire and tells the hosts to “stop hurting America.” The show is cancelled not long after. These days it seems like a won battle in a lost war.
• Saturday Night Live is in the news quite a bit, first when Amy Poehler joins Tiny Fey for the first all-female “Weekend Update”, and later because Ashlee Simpson is revealed to be lip-synching when the wrong song starts playing. Her career has yet to recover. In general this was the decade where women got the upper hand on SNL.
• Christopher Reeve and Rodney Dangerfield die.

SPORTS

• The Boston Red Sox come back from three games down to upset the New York Yankees in the ALCS. The series enters baseball lore, as each game seems more dramatic than the last. Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling becomes legendary for pitching a gem in Game 6 with blood obviously seeping through his sock from a cut on his leg.
• In almost an anti-climax, the Red Sox go on to sweep Albert Pujols and the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series, ending their famous championship drought that has lasted since 1918.
• Ichiro Suzuki breaks the seventy-seven-year-old record for most hits in a season.
• Former baseball star Ken Caminiti dies for reasons that could have been linked to his admitted steroid abuse.

November

NEWS

• President George W. Bush is re-elected by an electoral margin if 286 to 251. The closest state is Ohio, which many feel decides the election and has many reported voting irregularities. However, the situation never quite reaches Florida 2000 proportions and Sen. Kerry concedes within a day.
• In the same election, eleven American states officially ban gay marriage.
• Barack Obama is elected as a U.S. Senator from Illinois.
• A major U.S. force attacks the Iraqi city of Fallujah in an attempt to end its use as an insurgent stronghold. Some of the hardest fighting of the war occurs. After six days the city is occupied.
• Colin Powell resigns as Secretary of State. President Bush immediately nominates National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice to replace him. It is later revealed that Powell was never really on board with the whole “invade Iraq” thing.
• The Ukrainian election ends in chaos after Viktor Yanukovych is declared the winner. The international community expresses “severe skepticism”. Within a week, the Ukrainian Surpreme Court annuls the election and declares that another will be held.
• Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh (distantly related to the painter), is assassinated by a Muslim upset with supposed anti-Muslim sentiment in a film he made.
• The last known male po’o-uli bird dies at the Maui Wildlife Conservation Center, probably rendering the species extinct.

ARTS

• Medical series House debuts on FOX. It eventually becomes one of the highest rated shows on TV.
• Pixar’s computer-animated The Incredibles is a big hit in theaters, bringing superhero deconstruction to the masses.
• National Treasure starring Nicolas Cage is a box-office hit. People who’ve never seen Indiana Jones compare it to Indiana Jones.
• Robert Zemeckis releases an all-motion capture adaptation of The Polar Express, and the debate begins as to when computers will replace real actors.
• The rapper Old Dirty Bastard dies.
• Former Pantera guitarist Dimebag Darrell is shot seven times while on stage with his new band Damageplan in Columbus and dies.
• U2’s How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb is released and is pretty much a disappointment. We are all forced to re-teach out children that “catorce” is not, in fact, Spanish for “four”.

SPORTS

• A brawl at an NBA game between players on the Detroit Pistons and Indiana Pacers spills over into the stands and causes a major scandal. Pacers star Ron Artest is suspended for the rest of the season, and never plays for Indiana again.

December

NEWS

• Following a 9.3 earthquake off the coast of Sumatra, a massive tsunami strikes coastal areas of nations throughout the Indian Ocean. The official death toll is nearly 200,000, with many others not accounted for. It is considered one of the worst natural disasters in world history.
• Terrorists attack the U.S. consulate in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. Seven die. Meanwhile, 22 are killed when insurgents ambush a U.S. military base near Mosul, Iraq.
• It is revealed that Ukrainian opposition leader Viktor Yanushchenko was poisoned with Dioxin. Accusations fly that the Russian government is the culprit. He wins the re-run of the election.
• The House of Lords rules that by detaining foreign nationals suspected of terrorism without charge, the British government is violating international human rights law.
• President Bush tries to nominate New York City Police Commissioner Bernie Kerik to be the new Secretary of Homeland Security. His nomination is soon scuttled when an ever-widening financial scandal is revealed. Mr. Kerik is currently in prison.
• Susan Sontag dies.

ARTS

• Tom Brokaw leaves NBC Nightly News. He is replaced at the anchor desk by Brian Williams.
• Ocean’s Twelve is one of the weirder “blockbusters” of the decade, making it clear that all involved are just doing whatever the hell they want.
• NBC owner General Electric buys Universal Studios. Now all major U.S. networks have a parent company that also owns a movie studio.

SPORTS

• The San Francisco Chronicle claims to have confirmation that baseball stars Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi incriminated themselves of steroid use while testifying before a Grand Jury during the BALCO trial.
• Indianapolis Colts QB Peyton Manning throws his 49^th touchdown pass of the season, breaking Dan Marino’s single season record.
• Reggie White, the all-time NFL sacks leader, dies.